For 72 hours, I led myself to believe something that obviously wasn't true. It could have been sheer desperation. Or the effects of pining for someone else could finally be creeping up on me, but I just feel so stupid.
I happen to have an overactive imagination and my brain just keeps creating these stories for people whom I haven't even met yet. If I see you walking down the street, I could already make up your entire life story, according to myself of course. But when it's someone I can remotely be interested in, I take time to make up the story. All the details have to be perfect. Everything has to fall into place. From the code name I baptize you with, to the little false details I create, nothing is overlooked.
Unfortunately, when I finally do get to know the real people behind the characters I've created in my head, I tend to be disappointed. And it's purely my fault, of course. Why set myself up for disaster? Because it's fun to come up with all these little stories and histories of people that I don't really know. It gets tiring though.
Delusional, I have been for almost three days, till I finally knock myself in the head and tell myself just how senseless and stupid I've become. Pamy sent me this message and usually, I don't read what she sends me because either I don't have time, or it takes too much time to read them. But suddenly, I feel as if I can relate.
By Mariel G. Calalo
THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes, loving a person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man and a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.
Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume that it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend, you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.
Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain about it.
Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don't befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee and a shared interest.
Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya. This is the most amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk),"lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me just say this, at least from my own personal experience, I'm just nearsighted, I haven't gone blind. I can still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women, enough to judge what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a guy who's absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word country as "kawntri" and the word mango as "meynggo." Call me crazy for judging a person just because he can't pronounce these words right. I admit, I'm crazy.
Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor. A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily mean equate to a date. Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule.
Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one girl's hair is real or not. You would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.
I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never implicated; people just have tendencies to complicate them. ayos ba?
Not that I can relate to all of it, but I realize how silly I act all the time. Am I that deprived that every male friend I get, comes with a teeny interest in them? Okay, maybe not every male friend, but every guy who actually talks sense. I won't even bother with people who don't talk sense. The thing is, I know I've got to snap out of this, because college is just around the bend and if I continue in this testosterone-deprived desperate manner, I'm just setting myself up for misery.
I have learned my lesson. Not everyone is like that. And friends are always nice to have. I better return to my delusions of Tab because those are, for a lack of a better word, harmless.
Thanks Gela for putting up with me! I know i'm very fickle and sometimes I may overshare, but you still take everything in stride. Don't laugh at me, Gels. I'm already embarrassed. I don't even know why I told you when I was so unsure of it. Now look how it ended. You know I'm crazy. And since you're kind of crazy too, I guess we really get along.