Patty (woodycakes) wrote,
Patty
woodycakes

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Better

It's far from perfect, but I feel infinitely better. Who knew saying things out loud really does help? I'm far from finding exactly what will make me happy but I'm glad to let it go finally.

I've been thinking of resigning from my job for ages now. I love what I'm doing and feel incredibly privileged to get to do the work I do, but I also find myself incredibly exhausted and anxious all the time.

Though I love what i do, every single thing would just get to me. Everything was getting negative and I couldn't tell myself to think otherwise. I know it's all in the head and I can condition myself to think a different way, but I can't un-see things or un-feel things.

And if I can't deal with something, I know I should try to fix things but some things are out of my hands and if i can't help change things, I just felt like it was a lost cause. After a lot of thought, and a lot of prayers, I though, why not? But the timing was never right and I was too chicken and just too unsure of the future.

So after much thought, i talked to all the people involved and said how I felt. It was difficult and unnerving and not fun but at least it's out there. I feel better and lighter and definitely with weight off my shoulders. Will I perform better in these next few months? I sure hope so. Will I stop being so negative? I pray so.

Next steps? I don't know. But it's okay. I know I'll figure it out soon enough. For now though, i feel better and that's all matters.
Tags: employment
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