Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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I, Control Freak

Apparently, I'm a control freak. Not that I'm proud to be one, because obviously it's not such a great characteristic. I just didn't know that it was that bad. So maybe I like to take charge when it comes to group works and stuff like that, but that's only because I know that if I don't work, nothing's going to happen. I've tried taking the backseat before and somehow that doesn't work out.

And I thought I was less control freak-ish now. My teacher told me that I was indeed one last year and so I tried to lessen it, but apparently, I've gotten worse. This is the second time I've been told it and now even my parents have been told. Beautiful. That makes me feel so much better about myself. I'm not exactly feeling my best and now this.

My mom called asking if we wanted anything from the mall and so I asked how I was. She said I did fine, but that my adviser told them to talk to me. Geez, it sounded as if I was such a head case. Maybe I should go to counseling too. Sure, I can get domineering at times, but it's not because I find sheer satisfaction out of it; it's because I want some work done and if no one starts working then nothing's going to get anything done.

I may sound like I'm so defensive, and maybe I really am, but who wouldn't be defensive? My mom asked me if I was okay after she told me the news over the payphone and I lied through my teeth. Of course I'm not okay, but I guess that's not the right answer. The mature adult answer would be to accept your flaw and change right away. Well, I guess I'm not so mature or adult either. And how did they figure this out? Did my classmates come up to them and complain about me? Because no one seems to tell me straight to my face. Teachers barely notice me and don't seem to call my attention. Why tell my parents before telling me?

Oh yeah, they tried. During that five minute conversation I had with my adviser during consultation. Why five minutes? Because she had to give priority to the students who needed to get spoken to. Urgently. That meant I had no issues, right? Then why tell my parents anything if you don't bother to tell me first? If you only give me five minutes and tell me in the vernacular, that I don't need to be spoken to, then why the crap do you tell my parents to talk to me like I'm some problematic kid?

Maybe if you spoke to me for more than five minutes, you'd hear my side before jumping to conclusions that I am indeed a control freak. If you bothered to make me see that I had a problem instead of brushing me off for students who need you more, then maybe I'd have time to change. But just like they said when I sat down for my consultation -- my time to get help, "What are you doing here? You don't need to talk to me?"

Oh yeah? Apparently, I do. Too bad, it's too late.
Tags: high school senior
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