Patty (woodycakes) wrote,
Patty
woodycakes

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Worse than Invisible

It's Sunday again and I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. But hey, I'm not really regretting it. It's not like I was going to fit in anyway.

What's in between the Hollywood-type fake crush and the real ones? The semi-fake ones. The semi-fake ones are the ones you know... sort of. The ones you see in person, but never speak to. The ones you only call by code names for fear that someone will know him and you wouldn't want that. They're better than the ultimate fake ones because these have a possibility of turning into something. But they're also the ones that are built up for the most failure.

What sucks about having semi-fake crushes is they're so near but so freaking far. I feel like such a stalker sometimes and my brothers make fun of how I am when it comes to these semi-fake crushes. You know them and they sometimes know you, but they only know you as an afterthought. An acquaintance. Some random girl that was introduced to them and who you probably see but never really bother to remember.

And that's why it sucks. Because instead of being invisible to them (like I am to the Hollywood type fake crush), here you're not invisible and yet, you blend in like the wallpaper. You're just one of the crowd he goes through everyday. Worse than being no one. You are someone. Just not someone to him.

Still, you don't give up and keep pining for him because you keep thinking what if I pop out of the background and become someone to him someday? What if I do get to know him? All the what ifs eat you up and you realize that all you're really banking on is what if.
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