See, I'm always on the side of me liking a guy. I'm always the one pining, being interested and obviously, the feelings aren't returned. Not ever. Which is okay. I think I've learned to be a tad more patient now. Though of course, I'll admit it still gets incredibly frustrating -- to a point wherein I'm a lot happier when I don't like anyone just because I won't have to suffer the rejection of them not liking me back.
At the same time though, it is fun to like someone, if you're not totally invested in the liking aspect. It's fun to look forward to seeing the object of affection, and the giddiness when there is interaction. It can be fun when it's not all serious business. Except with me, that's never the case -- that is, I can never just like someone casually.
Of course, there are the cute guys I just see and nothing ever comes out of it. But then there THE crushes. The guys I like that define an era. The grade school crush, the high school crush, the college crush and now, I suppose, the working-girl crush. I get so invested in these one-sided pinings, I end up just getting sad about the negative outcome -- not getting whatever feelings I have, returned.
It's also frustrating cause I see friends fall for guys who end up liking them back. If they can do it, why can't I?
I know it's not all on me. The other person does have to form feelings for me which is something you can't force. At all. And yet others seem to have it so easy. I know this is all presumptuous and everyone's story is a unique and different one but it's just a little disconcerting to have nothing to show for after 25 years of being alive.
So here comes the (hypothetical) question. Should I go for someone whom I like (but isn't quite as into me) or someone who likes me (who I'm not quite as into). I've asked a couple of friends and apparently, the decision is split down half.
There are the girls who'd rather they be the ones who 'love' more -- because they were the ones who first showed interested while there are those who prefer 'to be loved more'. And though I understand that in love, there is no quantifying portion, for the sake of debate, let's set these as the rules, okay?
Right now, due to my lack in experience, I've only really experienced being on the liking someone side of the fence. It's fun to like someone and shower them with attention and try to win them over. And I could see how this would be a fantastic feeling, if reciprocated. But if it isn't, it can turn heart-wrenchingly painful. And still, you pick yourself up and try again, with some other guy that catches your fancy, hoping he'll return the favor.
Being in this boat is tiring, but for eternal optimists, it can also be a promise of something new, up until you find the one that'll last you forever. It's so naive to think there's someone out there for everyone, but I guess I'll keep thinking that way.
On the other hand, there is that other side of the fence, of girls who have to fend of suitors they're not quite into. Seeing as this is foreign land to me, I have just my observational skills to rely on and though the boys who like my friends range from creepy to really sweet, I don't know how it'd be to actually 'entertain' someone interested in me.
Who knows, perhaps there have been some guys out there who were, at one point, interested in me, but they sure haven't let me know. And unless you tell me to my face, it's better not to assume these things. Barring the creepy guys that can come around, it would be quite flattering to be sought after, I suppose.
Would I be able to 'learn' to like them back? I guess so? It's not impossible, but there's also the bit where you've got to break it to the unwanted gently, that I probably won't know how to do -- thanks to lack of practice. But it'll be exciting, nevertheless, to experience this side of it all. Being chased and pursued, preferably by decent-ish guys.
And so after rambling about both sides of the matter, I come to the conclusion, that as usual, I don't know. I don't know which I prefer. Given that I've only had slight insight into one facet of it, I can't discount the other. Maybe in time, I'll be able to settle this for real and say with conviction which team I support. Until that time, I'll continue my one-sided pining spree.
ps. this is me somewhat returning. because I've got the anal streak in me, I'll be backdating what I can. But hopefully I can return for real in May. I've missed you all terribly.