Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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Both in White, Didn't Quite Feel Right

I had my ACET refresher course at the ISO building in Ateneo. I guess I was too excited. Yeah, he was there. In fact, he was behind me, but there was nothing. No frisson. Nothing. We barely uttered anything to each other. I didn't even get giddy. I gave him his palanca for his unscheduled retreat. I don't think we even had a conversation, other than the usual hi.

Funny thing is, I'm not angry or pissed off that we didn't talk. I'm perfectly fine with it. I don't even care that she was right next to him as usual. I guess I can't fault them. They've been friends for forever. I've only known him for a few months. Still, I'm glad that there was some sort of closure. After all, it was the last sure time I was going to see him. There are always plans for going out sometime. But when exactly is some time? We're all going to be so busy. He's got Saturday classes for goodness sakes. He's got enough girls to last him a lifetime too. Why would he need a tutor or a secretary?

No, I'm not bitter. In fact, I'm just at peace now. He didn't lead me to think anything would come out of our acquaintance anyway. He didn't promise anything. He just came at the right time. Perfect timing. And now, that he has to go. It's all part of some mysterious plan. The plan plotted out for me to find some frisson.

That word again, I know. I guess I just want some of that for a few moments of my life. Of my high school life. I know I keep harping about it, but I guess it's one of my goals before I graduate. A moment of pure frisson. I keep reading about all these fictional, adolescent girls who admittedly have flaws that make them even more attractive, and they all seem to be having a little frisson and even a little kissing on the side. Yes, the working word may be fictional, but isn't fiction somewhat based on reality? Can I be that reality?

Yes,Siete said that it'll be much sweeter for us who wait. But how come I feel as if the one's who are getting it now are having it so much sweeter. Sure, maybe it'll be sweeter, but what if I'm so old that I can't even taste what is sweet and what is sour? No, I'm not giving up on the idea of a mutual frisson. I'm just getting frustrated.

Still, I want to thank him. Unknowingly, he gave me some sort of frisson for seventeen days. It wasn't mutual -- at least I highly doubt it was. But he gave me hope. Maybe one day, it'll last longer than 17 days.
Tags: college admissions, team b
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