Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

Total Eclipse of the Heart

So after half a month of Eclipse showing (and around five times watching it), I've finally gotten around to typing out my thoughts (though I doubt this will ever be as extensive or complete as what I actually think of the movie). I have to admit that on first watch, I was so overwhelmed by the fast paced nature and all that jazz (yes all that jasper), that I was still holding onto my love for New Moon.

But after multiple re-watches and the fact that Eclipse is my favorite book, I'll say I love it. Yes, the haters will hate and that's fine, there sure was a lot to laugh about, but for someone who's been quite excited for this installment to get on the big screen, it was pretty darn great.

Definitely a step up in more ways than one, let's all give David Slade a big round of applause cause he just raised the bar. Really high. Just 489 days till Breaking Dawn Part 1 folks. Don't blink, it'll be over soon.

WARNING: this is totally stream of consciousness style of writing and i probably say a lot of things that don't make sense so tread at your own risk. Also, the visual accompaniment will come soon. I promise. It's all mapped out and capped out. I just need to put them together but i'm sleepy. So soon. FINALLY DONE!

Edward and Bella

Compromise Vs. Coercion

Marry me.
Marry me.
Change me.
Okay, I will if you marry me. It's called a compromise
It's just called coercion. That's not fair.

Marriage is just a piece of paper
Where I'm from, it's the way one says, "I love you."
Where I come from, at my age, it's the way one says, "I just got knocked up."

So you're worried about what people will think
You know two out of three marriages end in divorce?
Well, I think you'll find the vampire-human divorce rate is a little lower
Just marry me.
I can't. I have to be back at four.

Seriously, how adorable can Edward/Bella be in this movie? If only for the sheer amount of Edward Bella in this thing, I love it over all the rest. Of course upon first watch, I did say I was still rooting for New Moon, but seeing all these E/B scenes especially this one (with the flowers -- this is how a meadow should look) and the color coordinated tops and the making out and the touching and coercion and compromise and just the over-all cuteness? I died.

Some Call It Stalking

And stalker!ward makes his first appearance. We all know this is because he wants to keep Bella ~safe, but seriously, we all know Edward goes overboard a lot of the time. Also, great use of the dolly with the camera. I still love it when Edward comes out of a car really fast in New Moon but this one is a pretty good reveal too.

Companion Ticket, You Say?

It wouldn't be bad to get away for a couple of days. Get some... distance
yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing mom. As long as you, use the companion ticket
Wait, there are two tickets? Super. That makes me really happy.

Oh Bella, if you only knew how much Edward is keeping from you. He's such a bad liar, but Bella lets it slide. I love the look on Bella's face when she says 'bye' to Edward. You can totally tell she's still swooning. Despite his manipulative ways, I gotta say so very smooth of Edward to bring up the plane tickets.

Welcome to Miami

That split second they show Edward inside the house eavesdropping on Bella's conversation with Renee, has a really good looking Edward complete with the smirk. Gotta love that. I wish we had more Florida (cause I'm actually liking Renee, plus I was hoping we'd see Renee observing the couple)

Can't Keep the Human in the Car

Are you sorry you went?
No, it was great seeing my mom. Just... hard saying goodbye
It doesn't have to be goodbye
Is that why you wanted me to go? hoping I'd change my mind
I'm always hoping for that.

Edward, she ain't changing her mind. EVER. so just give up? Y/Y? I love how Bella's so comfortable in his car, she has her feet up too. And Edwrad, once again, Bella won't listen to you. so don't ask her to stay in the car. I thought it was cute how he bothered asking her though. Love that exasperated smirk he has on after she totally disregards his request. Edward and Jacob have really thick sexual tension between them. Yes, Edward lied to you, Bella. And that's not very good, but no need to hop on a bike with Jacob. The smirk on Jacob's face

Intruder Alert

I love the look of panic on Edward's face when Bella returns from her day with Jacob. Worried look is worried. He looks really frazzled and seriously on edge. And for someone with vampire speed, he sure climbed those stairs pretty noisily. So much for stealth Eddie!

Swiss Miss

I have to say, Edward plus black v-neck sweater is very very nice on the eyes. I know he's all angry and supposed to look intimidating, but for me, he just looks swoon-worthy. Even if he's getting angry at Jacob or being protective over Bella. Boy just looks really really good.

The No-Shirt Zone

Doesn't he own a shirt?
I'm good here, you should go
I'm not gonna be gone long.
Don't rush, you need to hunt...
Well, you could rush just a little bit

This always gets a laugh from audiences but I love how jealous!ward comes out sans the creepy stalker tendencies. It's these little moments where Edward shows what a teenager he is complete with macking it out with Bella in front of Jacob. Yes Edward, you got the girl. Go flaunt it.

Always Be My Bella

I thought maybe you were afraid that I'd be too different...
Like I wouldn't be warm. I wouldn't smell the same

You'll always be my Bella...
My Bella just less fragile

THEY'RE IN BED! with the quilt, but she isn't wrapped up like a taco and she's totally cuddling with him and their arms are touching each other and and my mind is dead and he calls her my bella and they kiss and it couldn't get any cuter, because Slade is a secret fanboy like that and threw us a lot of E/B bones to chew on. GOOD JOB.

The Jacob & Edward Sexual Tension

You know what I love about this scene? We get Edward doing vampire speed. Edward angry. Edward in a hoodie! Then we get Charlie mediating the two boys and did I mention Edward in a hoodie? Yeah, I definitely enjoyed that. And on a side note, I thought Edward looked really cute in his long sleeved shirt and tie combo as he leans against the table listening to the plans about the vampire army's impending arrival.

Fight Training with Jealous!ward on the Side

Two things: Jealous!ward is back in the game. I love the look on his face when he sees the grad present that Jacob got to give. You know he's dying to get something on her finger. Also, after the training and Bella's snuggling up to the big wolf, you can so tell he just wants out of there. It's okay Edward. It's still you.

Victoria's Puppets Dream Time

And though this is a really short scene. Any time Edward and Bella are in bed, I am there and I am happy. Look at Bella slowly losing some clothing while she sleeps. I see some cleavage, girl. and I'm sure your little vampire is chomping at the bit for her to lose more (though he won't say it out loud of course).

Stay With Me Guilt Trip

I wish she'd used the line she used in the book, though it was more manipulative, about how she couldn't take it if she went away New Moon style. I feel like it would have been more of a stab to Edward and his leaving her, but I guess they didn't want to go the guilt-trip route. I see you, Bella working your girlfriend privileges.

Comparing Odors

And Oh Edward. Why so tortured all the time. I love his jabs at Jacob's stench too. Leave it to the jealous vampire boyfriendto get a one liner in before the wolf goes off to help their asses. Pained Edward is pained. You can so tell he does not want to be in this field right now.

It's the Leg Hitch Marriage Proposal

So first off, I love the Claire De Lune throwback we're getting. I really do love that song and it's nice to see them play it again for E/b. And I'm glad Smeyere didn't have a say in the 'charm' Edward put on her bracelet.

I want to ask you something
Marriage is the condition for you, to change me yourself, right?
Okay, I wanna negotiate my own condition.
Anything you want, it's yours.
You promise?

Bella, no
You said that you wanted me to have every human experience
Not ones that will risk killing you.
You won't. and everybody says once I'm changed, all I'll want it to slaughter the whole town
That part doesn't last forever
I want you, while I'm still me. While I still want you, this way
It's too dangerous.
Try. Just try. I'll go to some ridiculously expensive college.
I'll let you buy me a car. I'll marry you. Just try

Stop trying to take your clothes off.
You want to do that part?
Not tonight.
You don't... that's fine
Believe me, I want to. I just want to be married to you first
You're really making me feel like I'm sort of villain trying to steal your virtue or something
It's not my virtue I'm concerned about
Are you kidding?
It's just one rule, I wanna leave unbroken. It maybe too late for my soul. but I will protect yours. I know it's not a modern notion.
It's not modern, it's ancient.

I'm from a different era. Things were a lot less complicated.
If I met you back then, I would have courted you.
I would have taken you on chaperoned strolls, iced tea on the porch.
I may have stolen a kiss or two, but only after asking your father's permission
I would have got down on one knee and I would have presented you with a ring.
This was my mother's...

Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever
Would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?

But in what is quite possibly the longest foreplay ever (you thought that Twilight kiss had a long build up?), these kids are finally 'trying' to get past first base and it's cute how Edward purchases a bed for this occassion. No, but really, despite the god awful ring (we're looking at you Smeyer), at least we get the leg hitch, the making out on the bed, the proposal on bended knee and the acceptance twirl of sorts.

I swear I love how when they hug after she's accepted the proposal, we get more than a sliver of skin at her waist. It's slight but it's these tiny details that KILL ME. And yes Bella, you are the villain stealing Edward's virtue, even if he 'wants to' but the line of Edward having 'ancient notions' really gets everyone in the cinema laughing all the time.

Clearly Not Flaunting that Rock

You're not wearing your ring
Well I didn't want to risk losing it
Or risk Jacob seeing it
I think we should wait to tell him. At least until after the fight
If you're having second thoughts...
I'm not. I just want him to have a clear head.

I've gotten over the initial shock of Bella's bonnett (which looks like it was plucked off the Baguio sidewalk. I swear everyone in Baguio wears bonnets like this one). But I really liked the interaction between E/B here. Edward knows why she's not wearing her ring. No need to deny it Bella. Still, it's status quo for EVERYONE in this movie to not say their real thoughts, so we'll let it slide. Also, the look when they're reunited, possibly only after a few hours of separation, just gets to me so much. Insperable much? I love how she practically runs into his arms though. That's right Jacob.

Brokeback Tent Scene

In what is quite possibly the longest scene ever, Edward and Jacob hash it out with Bella getting all warmed up by Jacob's hotness. And though his opening line to this scene gets the biggest laughs, I'll give it to the two boys for bringing it during this 'intense' conversation. It's a really good turning point for both of them and it feels like a miting de avance of sorts, where they both get to say their final pieces. Props to Bella too for shivering her way through it or not blinking too much while sleeping.

Top Ten Favorite Evenings

I love how they go from apologizing and sort of being happy complete with calling her Mrs. Cullen to totally going to the opposite end of the spectrum complete with Bella begging Jacob to kiss her (only for him to leave her to fight). Bella's selfishness is at a peak here and though I can't blame her (she just doesn't want to lose either), at least she sort of regrets things when she returns to Edward. Scheming!ward though knew Jacob was listening so you've got to give Edward the props for being as devious and dirty playing. He wants the girl for sure. I really do love it when Edward says, "I know" to Bella's "I love you more." Now where is this confident guy when he's needed?!

It's a Menage-a-Trois Battle

You won't get another chance like this again. You want her.
You want me to feel the pain you felt when I killed James.
When I tore him to pieces. When I turned him into ash,
When I turned him into nothing.

Seeing Riley and Victoria up against Edward and Bella was pretty bad ass. I'm glad that Edward called Victoria out and they battled it out and i'm really glad Bella didn't stab herself a la third wife. That's right girl, a little blood flow goes a long way with these kids. And though the snow and landscape look like it's out of the SM Malls Christmas winter wonderland, I'll forgive them because the fight was pretty bad ass considering it's Edward against them both. Thanks Seth, for your help in tearing Riley apart. now we must RESURRECT RILEY though.

August 13th

August thirteenth
Yeah, it's a month before my birthday. I don't need to be another year older than you.
Alice says she can get the wedding ready by then

I'm sure she can. There's no rush.
I've chosen my life. I want to start living it

And so you're going to let Alice plan the whole thing.
The dress, the reception, the guest list. I mean who knows who she's going to invite?
Does it matter?
I just don't know why you're doing it.
What? The wedding?
Bella, you're trying to make everyone else happy. But you're already giving away too much.
You're wrong.

This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob.
It's between who I should be and who I am. I've always felt out of step,
like literally stumbling through my life. I've never felt normal.
Because I'm not normal. I don't wanna be.
I've had to face death and loss and pain in your world
but I've also never felt stronger. More real. More myself.
Because it's my world too. It's where I belong.

So it's not just about me.
No... sorry. I've made a mess tyring to figure all this out.
But i wanna do this, and I want to myself to you in every human way possible

Starting with a wedding?
Actually something a little more difficult first and maybe even dangerous.
We have to tell Charlie.

Highly dangerous.
It's a good thing you're bullet-proof.
I'm gonna need that ring.

And we get another meadow bit and I have to say they really did get the meadow right. It feels so happy and special and just right for Edward/Bella. And there goes bella with her little speech which sort of tries to make it seem like it's not all about Edward, when we all know it's all about Edward, but let's let Rosenberg get ahead of herself. Y/Y? She seems to love this. I won't complaing too much because what a perfect way to end this movie, with a mention of Charlie, some flowers in the meadow, another engagement ring shot and some loving from Edward/Bella. Because really. That's what this movie is all about.

The Cullens

  • Oh cullen family, you slay me so. I still prefer the slow-motion running in New Moon with Victoria, but this one was pretty damn good.
  • and we get a bit of their living room which I love. I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of this house based on the first two movies, but I've learned to just let it go.
  • The funniest scene ever: seeing Emmett and Alice 'guarding' over Bella. Is the all-black get up really necessary? I guess so.
  • Look! The Cullens are watching television in their living room like a normal family! Alert the presses. I thought it was cute. I would have wanted them to watch some Nickolodeon
  • Look at Carlisle playing doctor again. New Moon doctoring of Bella's wounds were much cuter just because there was something there, but we've got Edward hovering over her in this one, so I won't complain either.
  • Vampire Army Fight Training!
  • It's the Battle Y'all! I'm glad everyone got their hands a bit dirty with this battle. Again, props to Slade for thinking up a new way to kill them off. They're literally porcelain dolls now.

  • Carlisle/Esme I love the Carlisle/Edward fight. I wish we'd seen some of the retorts Rob said Peter would do after every fight. I also wish we'd see Esme actually fighting.
  • Isnt' it sad when we get a few lines out of Esme, no one actually pays attention to her? Sorry Esme, we know you tried with Bree, but no one really gives a damn about her.
  • Also how magnanimous of Carlisle to go send in his future daughter-in-law to her ex of sorts. Carlisle's a smug mofo knowing Bella's chosen his son. Still, it was nice of him to help the wolves out. Carlisle, you're a saint.

  • Jasper/Alice:They're throwing a party! At the Cullens place. It was so nice to see Jasper still in high school with them, cause from what I recall he didn't go with the rest of them anymore.
  • And so we get a bit of the Jasper-was-a-military-dude-in-the-past bit and a really good close up on his hair. And it's sad because it's totally grown on me, it doesn't even bother me anymore.
  • Alice premonition! I like how her premonition feels. I also like her headband. I sense some Blair Waldorf inspiration with the bow, but it looks like she's not taking that choker off, EVER. Also, Jasper and Alice seem to be joined at the hip. I appreciate this double whammy we get by having both of them in frame as they discuss the army coming.

  • The Jasper/Alice fight was really cute. I love how it's Alice that will always outdo Jasper. You guys are too cute. And after he reminsces about his good old days, despite the fact that they didn't put the 'i felt hope' line, at least we got SOME cuteness out of these two. I won't complain.
  • Hello flashback to the Civil War. I was expecting Catalina Sandino Moreno to have more screen time, but I guess it was as much as she was going to get. She got more than her tw other cohorts. I feel bad for the little boy/newborn Jasper had to kill, so it's no wonder he has such bad memories of those times.
  • Emo!ward still crucifying himself for not being able to carry Bella around the forest is hilarious. What's more hilarious? Jasper's accent here. I'm bad at accents but after so many mentions from friends and actual re-watches from me, this was the worst of the accent. No more wolf stench! Also scheming Alice is the best. I like how she's charmed the pants off Charlie of course. We have an alibi!!! It's time to get sexing!

  • Emmett/Rosalie:I like that they had Rose shout out to emmett. It feels very in character for Emmett to just go for things without thinking/caring about the consequences. It's these little interactions between the couples that really made this one stand out more.
  • Of course we get the requisite Emmett-and-I'm-excited-to-kill-anything stance, but I'm more scared for their couch! Emmett stepped on it! With his shoes!!! Esme won't be happy.
  • And we get our Rosalie flashback, which I thought Slade handled pretty well as well. I have poor imagination and didn't quite realize Rosalie wasn't from such a distant past so it was nice to see the time period she lived in. I also love Rosalie in a wedding gown. Best visual ever. I would have loved to see her tear Royce King apart. but I'll take what I can get. Also, Rose (despite the mis-colored eyebrows) looked really good talking to Bella just there.
  • I feel bad with how Emmett seems to be portrayed as the strong dumb one, unable to outsmart the better fighters. And Rosalie got the short end of the fight stick. We didn't get to see much of her fighting at all.

    The Wolves

  • Awkward is awkward. I see the Wolves eating chicken an d it makes me kind of hungry. They're joketime banter with Jacob is a little awkward for me, but hey that's just me. And Leah, bring on the angst. Look at her all emo! And Rosenberg, I see you trying to compress all of the Jacob/Bella interaction complete with 'imprinting' explanation. I'll give you props for cutting down on more back-and-forth of the passing of Bella to protect her.
  • Council meeting. So we get to meet Seth (over-eager) and Jacob sneaking Bella in. This Jacob-Seth interaction could have gone by smoother, but I'll forgive them because the flashbacks aren't as long or as lulzy as I thought they would be. Props to you Slade for bringing it to life sans the laughs. And I thought this while reading the books, but it has to be said: third wife, a little drop would have sufficed.
  • Oh Jacob, you never do give up. And that's why you're loved by many. The face-punch (hello New Moon reference) and her subsequent pain from this was painful to watch (so was the kiss) but upon multiple re-watches, I sort of got desentized to it. I like how they keep bringing up the 'till your heart stops beating' bit. I see you guys being consistent.
  • Don't you love how whenever jacob comes into a frame, he has to swing his head and turn into frame. I see this is his standard entrance now. And wow, look at Jacob whittling away at wood to form a... wolf! Surprise. I would have been more impressed if he carved a mini-vampire complete with fangs.

  • Look at Jacob carrying her around, not like it's 'hurting' him on the inside. I feel bad for this martyr dude, but then I remind myself that he brought this upon himself. I read somewhere that Taylor actually carried Kristen the entire time so his body was sore afterward. Ever the martyr, even in real life.
  • Oh Leah look what you've done. Now we have to see a bunch of naked guys carry another naked guy to safety. We know you're trying to prove yourself kid, but this is just too much for me. It feels very Chippendales seeing all this flesh. And for more flesh, we have the wolves waiting outside Billy's house just waiting for the good doctor to finish Jacob's treatment. TOO MUCH FLESH. this is why this is a PG movie.
  • Also, will someone please open a window or put some ventilation in Jacob's room? Guy is sweating like crazy and he needs to keep the morphine in his body. Just saying. Way to go Bella though letting the guy down gently. Too bad he's willing to wait for you now even after your heart stops beating. Oh the martyrdom.

    The Newborns

  • Gotta give it to Riley for being a great opening scene. Kid is cute. And like I said in every review I commented in: RESURRECT RILEY!!! In fact, I just have to give it to Slade because he made all those Seattle scenes really come to life. I love the shot and how gloomy Seattle feels. Cool opening billboard as well. It's getting better as we go on.
  • I love how Victoria is just a really fast runner, look at her jumping back and forth throught the territory. I like how they showcased this scene that we never even got to read about it in the book.
  • Also, I do not want Riley snooping around my house. From the moment his hands were on screen, I swear I got shivers. Creepy is creepy and he does it well. Way to go sniffing around for Bella's scent. I wonder where he stuffed the shirt, really.

  • Bree Tanner. I do not care about you. I never did. Seriously. I can't believe we got this much face time with her. In this scene though, Riley sort of reminded me of Chuck Bass. Really.
  • NO ONE LISTENS TO RILEY! Why does no one listen to him. He told you guys to stay inconspicious. And does anyone listen?! NO.
  • Oh Riley, she really is just using you. I feel bad for him really. Bryce Dallas Howard does her own take on Victoria, and thought it's different from the Vicki with the wicked curve ball, it's also pretty compelling in her own sadistic way. It's a more subtle manipulation of Riley but still just as effective (sans the wig of course). Poor Riley, didn't know what hit him.
  • I don't care how many times I've seen the trailer and the part where the Newborns come out of the water, seeing it on the big screen and in context with everything else still gives me the chills. Slade, we bow down to you.

    The Volturi

  • I don't quite remember the Volturi's appearance in the book, but I guess they needed to slip them in somewhere. Felix, horrible delivery of lines, though it does get better in time. But still. Also, runner-up goes to Alec who cannot deliver a simple line: 'sister.' Seriously dude. One line.
  • Also, Felix, please kill Bree. Because we don't really care about her. At all. I wish you guys had come here a little earlier, then you'd see the Cullens teaming up with the wolves and that would make you more angry and thus a bigger battle, but let's save that non-fight for another book?

    The Humans

  • I love how they have Jessica writing a graduation speech. Leave it to Mike and the gang to be funny. The shock on their faces at the mention a party at the Cullens is adorable. It's a pretty house y'all.
  • Hello valedictory speech that just so happens to coincide so well with Bella's life decision dilemmas. I see you Rosenberg, trying to be clever and all.
  • Poor Angela, the one line she gets at the party and it's to promote the Muse song. Oh well, one line is better that none right? Also for those who dont' remember there's an Academy Award nominee in this shot.

    The Parents

  • Then of course, there's Charlie and the immense amount of Charlie love. We cannot have enough Charlie in this movie just because he is made of awesome. I love how movie!charlie really shows how much he loves Bella and verbalizes it, as much as movie!charlie can get away with.
  • Charlie making sure Edward isn't having dinner with them is just adorable. Don't need to get all protective, Chief. He still doesn't eat human food. And of course a crowd pleaser is Charlie's reaction to the 'companion' ticket. It makes us really happy too, Charlie.
  • Renee has never been so loveable. I love it when she says, 'enough with the heavy' and 'congraduation.' It feels just like very Renee things to say. Even in the books, I'm sort of detached from her, but seeing her here with the road trip quilt and just so very Renee made my heart melt a bit. The mother-daughter bonding made me a little teary-eyed, I have to say.
  • Thank goodness Riley didn't get to him. I know he didn't in the book, but to see Charlie still stand up afterwards still puts my heart at ease. DO NOT KILL CHARLIE. EVER.

  • Charlie saying he'd never give up looking for Bella breaks my heart. I swear, he's got like two lines but they mean so much and when he pulls Bella into a sort of hug? I die because I am lame and love Charlie like that
  • Charlie's standing ovation for Bella still gets me all choked up. I would have loved to see some Cullens graduating. Yeah they've done it a bazillion times, but we haven't seen it.
  • Charlie's soft spot for Alice is always cute. Seeing two of my favorites, Alice and Charlie in one shot is just too much awesome. Don't be a stranger, Alice! Charlie said so.
  • And if we had movie time with Bella in new moon. Now we have sex talk with Bella (and Charlie!) God how adorable can Charlie be all uncomfortable and not wanting to bring it up, but knowing his conscience won't be clear unless he does. Yes Charlie, Edward is old-school, but he also plans on killing your daughter, so don't rest too easy okay?! They do awkward father-daughter best and I love it. More Charlie. More Charlie. More Charlie

    The Director

    So though I do not crush on Slade the way I did with Weitz, I'll have to give it to Slade for bringing it with this installment. It was my favorite book and seeing that he made it so great visually is such a nice thing to look back on. Yes, the wigs were god awful, but they do grow on you and he did the fight scenes really well as well as the more ~romantic ones. So really, EW was right in saying, BEST TWILIGHT MOVIE SO FAR. Condon, best of luck. You have two chances of failing. Let's hope you don't.

    RELATED: 265 Things About Twilight
    Chris Weitz Has Me Squeeing Over New Moon
  • Tags: eclipse, kristen stewart, movies, robert pattinson
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