Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

Ignorance Was Bliss

nipped at the bud[Word Boner]
I rarely go into detail about real life crushes just because I never quite know what to say. I'm doing it anyway just because it just feels good to get it out and stop feeling down -- it is the weekend after all! This isn't a cry for 'it's-alright-patty-the-right-guy-is-out-there-for-you' mania. I promise you.

It all started when curiosity got the best of me. I told myself NOT to search for fun-crush-who-could-have-been-upgraded-to-serious-crush on Facebook and I resisted the urge for a few days til I succumbed today. This led to me finding a common friend who had broken the reality of things to me.

So FCWCHBUTSC already has a girlfriend who he's been with since his high school days. Sure, he doesn't even know me more than the ONE interaction we've had and the polite smiles we give when we pass each other, so it shouldn't really be an issue, but knowing this will hopefully put a stop to my planned upgrade.

Getting down to it, it's not even about him having a girlfriend or him being of a different religion (cause I'm cool with everyone, though it would be possible down the road to encounter difficulties due to differing beliefs). When I think of it, I just don't want to have to work hard for his attention or anyone's for that matter.

I'm tired of doing things to get anyone's attention. If it's for me, the guy should be scrambling to get my attention. High standards? Perhaps. Am I just telling myself this to make myself feel better? Probably. But I've waited 22 years, what's a couple more. Plus, I'm sick of self-inflicted drama -- meaning pining over boys who obviously just have no interest in me.

And though these things (relationships or whatever) are never really easy, I just feel that if it's meant for me, it'll all fall into place and not be hard for me, right? I don't know if this is a good mentality to follow but I've liked probably just three guys in my life and all of them being a one-sided type of like from my end, complete with me working to get to know the guy and nothing really coming out of it because essentially, none of them were just that into me.

So now, potentially serious crush is demoted back to fun crush and I can continue to blush (which I don't normally do) when he smiles his ultra warm smile (that reaches his eyes) on his way to his desk and stop pining or planning ways to get noticed. I won't have to worry about looking good again or straining my neck to see him pass by. It was fun while it lasted. At least he never reached crush-that-has-his-own-tag-on-my-livejournal status. please let this stop me

End of babbling. Back to scheduled fangirling as always.
Tags: first job, relationships, tag-less boy
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