I'm so scared. I was reading Reggie's journal and apparently, she isn't. I wish I could be more like her. I wish I had that outlook on it. I just wish I had Jo's brain. Or even a fourth of it. Maybe I'd feel more confident. It's just that I really really really really really really REALLY want to get into UP. It's been my dream school for ages.
I didn't even have the same dilemma as my Pamy when she was in fourth year high school. She still had the debate of Ateneo versus UP going on in her head. Thank goodness, I'm not the first kid. I was enlightened and slightly brainwashed, I guess. Still, there's also a downside to it. Sure, I've already set my sights on something, and it's subtracted a lot of confusion, but my problem is, what if I don't get in?
I don't even want to think about it.
I have to think positively. But how can I? The competition is freaking fierce. I'm competing with the entire country. And according to society, the masses are more deserving of the UP education, because they can't afford anything else. That's why there's discrimination towards people in the private schools. But have they ever thought that maybe I REALLY wanted to get the UP education. Sure, it's a plus that it's cheap, but that's not why I want to go there. It's the atmosphere, it's the experience, it's the change of setting.
I've been stuck in a private school -- a Catholic one too -- my entire life! And I'm not complaining, because I like my school. But I need to break free from it. I refuse to limit myself to the same crowd again. I'm not motivated to excel because I'm within my comfort zone. I probably don't know what I'm asking for, but I want to be a maroon, and tomorrow is my only hope of getting in there.
I need all the luck I can get. I need everyone's prayers. I need to retain all the knowledge I've supposedly learned for fourteen years. I need so many things. But right now, the most important thing I need is sleep.