Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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Gossip Girl 02x04: The Ex-Files

The Other Bitch is BackPhotos courtesy of You Know You Love Me
This episode is proof of why this show is the Best. Show. Ever. Just when you thought things were getting stale, and dare I say 'boring' on the show, Schwartz (congratulations on the recent marriage) and company totally shake things up. And to Not quote High School Musical, looks like they're not sticking to the status quo on this one.

After watching this episode, I'm rejuvenated in my love for this show. Nothing is how it was and there's once again so much possibility for everyone. Looks like the first day of school does bring with it a whole lot of possibility.

I alwasy tell myself Rufus and Lily could have been together and Dan and Serena could still go on hating each other (as brother and sister) but at least their parents would have been happy. Alas, this is not the case. Instead we get Lily (yay! She's back!) gushing about her romantic getaway with Bart Bass. I know Serena's happy for her momma, but I cannot imagine being candid about my mom's honeymoon to her 2nd 4th husband in front of my stepbrother.

Same goes for Daddy Rufus and Dan being all chummy about his dad's sexcapades with unnamed (oh wait, she has a name: Claire), non-Lily dates. Dan and Serena are the bane of my existence as their break up is just a slap in the face to Rufus-Lily and what could have been if Serena didn't proclaim to her mother that she and Dan were forever a mere 8 episodes ago? Or something like that. Annoying.

Blair screening applicants to torture is too cute. I laughed when I saw the maroon folders containing the resumes because this is all so eerily familiar (in an internship application sort of way). So they reject girls who wear last season clothes, give a chance to girls with fathers who work for the Knicks and accept girls who have cute older brothers? I say, everything is well and good in Blair world.

And here goes the sad sad day of Vanessa. In a span of 24 hours, this girl gets a lot of action, and the first half of her adventure involves 'bumping' into Nate somewhere (shouldn't he be in the Upper East side for class at St. Judes? And shouldn't she be in Brooklyn -- on her way to work at Rufus' gallery?) and giving him the cold shoulder as per instruction from Duchess Catherine.

I know it was hard to resist the love of her life, but then she was rewarded by Lady Catherine with five grand for acquiescing to the evil bitch. But wait, she doesn't want the money! Shouldn't she start another foundation the way she did with Chuck's money for teens with STDs? Are there no needy charities for male prostitutes who only sell themselves because their mom's don't do shit and their dads are on the run from the government? I guess not.

The Humphrey men sure know how to score some action. Fresh from his 'morning after' with his mystery date, Rufus gets another visit -- this time from the beautiful Lily Van Der Woodsen-Bass. And she almost sneaked away! As if she didn't want him to see her. Yeah right. She came all the way from the Palace to Brooklyn, of course she wanted him to see her. And she wants to hang out even if he's watching Repo Man (which I had never heard off until I wiki-ed it: it stars Emilio Estevez and was made in the 80s). Oh true love. You guys need to elope stat.

Then as if he didn't just break up with THE Serena Van Der Woodsen, Dan goes and fucks flirts doesn't flirt around with newbie Amanda -- who I believe could have been portrayed by a prettier actress if they wanted audiences to think she stood a chance. Of course, Blair and Serena would catch them! They're in the freaking courtyard!!! Drama please!

Poor Vanessa, the second half of her purple top days consists of catching Marcus and his Mama (no really) in the middle of a passionate embrace. Could it be that they're merely posing for a romance novel cover shoot? Was Fabio not available for the sitting? You've seen crass, this is just absurd. So much for showing Blair he 'wants' her. I guess Lord Marcus isn't gay, he's just into incestuous relationships! Go Marcus!

Then of course Vanessa goes straight to little ms. vengeful herself Blair (upon instruction from Dan) and though Blair is visibly hurt, she says she'll take care of it. V doesn't look convinced, but it's not like there's much she can do. Blair just sent herself the photo and we all know what Blair can do with a little incriminating shot. Hello Page 6? Or are we sticking to Gossip Girl?

I love how Jenny wakes Dan up by hitting him with a pillow. Now that's sibling love. I'm glad Jenny knocked some sense into him too for his indiscretion of taking Amanda (aka as Little Miss Hannah Montana to Jenny) to the 'hip clubs' that happen to be the hangout of Blair's minions too. Oh Dan, you do never learn. You so deserve whatever you're going to get. This will be ugly.

What's pretty though is how Chuck wakes Serena up with a flower to her face, breakfast in bed and the morning news care of Gossip Girl. I'm happy with how 'mature' Serena is being about all this. Surprisingly, she's got more class than Dan will ever have. If I hated Dan-Serena, I'm liking Serena now just for being genuine.

Is Lord Marcus actually wiping his tears like that? And beside his mom/lover? How gross is this?! How can they all sit in perfect harmony together? Blair sure knows how to manipulate people. People, this is how we blackmail. Watch and learn.

Of course V didn't stay for the full show and only watched the previews. This only spells trouble. We all know Blair has things under control, revenge wise, so V is only digging herself a bigger hole. Well, start digging, cause it's going to be the grave you'll be buried in very soon, V.

I feel really bad for Serena here. On their three way date, Dan and Amanda have the gall to make her feel left out and totally on a different intellectual level. So what does Serena do? She gets an intellectual equal herself. Unfortunately, he happens to have an IQ of zero and loves talking about him faking it to the left, faking it to the right.

But really, what's touching is how sad Serena is and just what an asshole Dan is. Can he not see how sincere she is when she's doing all this denying? The thing with denial is, it just makes you look bad either way. if she said it was her, Dan would have been mad. If she denied it, he's still be mad cause he wouldn't believe her. So she really loses all ways. Poor girl.

Blair to the rescue! Nate's dad can go free cause Blair has managed to extort money out of Catherine AND send the loving mother and son duo back to their land. But wait, there's more! V couldn't wait for B to do the work that she did some work herself, telling on everyone to the Duke (i'm guessing he's a duke if his wife is the duchess, right?)

Smart work V! Now you have NO Nate and Blair on your case cause you didn't trust her. Oh the stupidity. How I loved Vanessa last episode and how I don't love her this time around. And why is there VERY LITTLE NATE in this episode?! I mean seriously. There was a drought. I want more pretty boy!

LILY AND RUFUS FOR LIFE!!! Even Lily is begging for it. Lonely-shmonely! You want some with Rufus! And we do too (for you guys!) But Rufus is such a moral compass (wait, wasn't Dan one too at one point?) or rather finally took some pride by refusing to be Lily's mistress/second choice to Bart Bass. Rufus does deserve better. Which is why I don't understand why he's sleeping around with nameless girls!!! You're a washed up rockstar, you deserve at least a special guest star (like say Julia Alison?), not some extra! Cameos anyone?

Then there's Nate too, growing some balls and telling Vanessa off with her line back at her, 'we were never really friends.' So much for that EW cover and the N/V (read as ENVY) love! I guess it's back to Brooklyn and doobies/prostitution for you guys respectively!

Hello Nairtini! Goodbye long hair! Again, we see just how evil Chuck is. Why is he even helping the chicas get back at Amanda. Does he care for his sister that much? We'll find out later. But really, Dan Humphrey is one self-righteous, pompous ass. So much for loving Serena, he totally does not trust this girl. That's their issue. He's got no TRUST in her. I don't blame Serena for wanting to be a bitch again. She deserves it (being a bitch). He deserves it (the torture he's about to go through).

So that's why he cares so much. Amanda was a mere lemming in the grand scheme of things to dethrone Queen B of her title by placing Serena back on top so that she'd come crawling back to his purple-sleeved arms! Oh Chuckles, what a convoluted plan! If you paid this much attention to business, you'd have built an empire (wow I sound like Bart Bass). But really, that was his plan? I'd love to see how this pans out. So long Amanda!

And go Jenny for standing up for yourself. Kati/Iz (I'm not sure) and Hazel/Penelope (i'm not sure either) were actually pretty lame in their attempts at torturing her. But remember, ignoring her doesn't mean they've forgotten! But wait, I've forgotten. Why are they mad at Jenny again? Was it the out-ing of Eric? Or the betrayal of Blair? I need a recap. And was there some significance with Jenny's white bag? Cause they kept focusing on it when she was in school and at the atelier.

Headbands Versus Scarfs -- round 1. The scarf wins. And the headband is confused. So am I. I guess Serena wants her throne back and Chuck is just too happy that his step sister is so scorned by a past love that she's wanting to be 'the real Serena' again. I'm glad though, because her good image was boring me already. I've always wanted to see more of that girl from Blair Waldorf Must Pie who could barely stand on her own. Go Serena. Poor Blair though. But if this means Blair and Chuck get back together then I'm all for it.

Hello Queen Serena! And she's back. What a quick turnaround, but it's all so justified. Blair looks devastated. Chuck seems triumphant and if I were Dan, I'd be shitting in my pants. Good luck to Dan Humphrey, because it looks like Serena's about to give him hell.
Tags: gossip girl
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