Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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Now Hiring?

Because despite having 255 days left till I finally graduate from college, I still have no idea what the hell I want to do with my life. This is sort of scary, considering I'm supposed to be joining the work force very very soon and I have yet to get a clue on what it is that I will do to earn my keep.

But with the recent 2008 Beijing Olympics, which I think is awesome (no matter what naysayers might say), I suddenly have so many callings in life. And no, it's not to be an athlete. I think at 21, it's a little too late to start training for any sport whatsoever. Can't figure it out? Well, all those jobs, have something to do with half-man/half mermaid, Michael Phelps.

  • Michael Phelps personal food delivery caller
    Apparently, Michael doesn't know how to cook, but he loves to eat. I can't cook either, but I'm pretty good at ordering in. Thus, I'm the perfect girl to order whatever the hell he wants to eat for breakfast, lunch, snack or dinner! He says he prefers pasta and pizza. Perfect! I love Italian.

  • Michael Phelps gym assistant
    I don't carry a lot of weights, but I'm very good at cleaning them. Michael also lifts weights daily and I think it would be too much of a hassle if he had to clean up after himself. I'm so ready to tidy up his gym right after he lifts those dumbbells and works up a sweat.

  • Michael Phelps sunblock applier
    As seen, Michael has a really big body. Thus, a lot of surface area to cover. And swimmers spend a lot of time under the sun and in the water. Michael trains 5 hours a day, 7 days a week. And according to experts, you should reapply sunblock every 2 hours. That's 2 applications per practice, or 14 times each week. Michael doesn't need to exert effort to protect his skin. I'm willing to lather on the lotion on him -- and I'll do it every hour to make sure he doesn't get burned!

  • Michael Phelps Focus Keeper
    So this one is a little tricky, but I'm always up for the challenge. Michael was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I don't know exactly how I'm going to keep him focused on something, but I guess it'll involve water, because he seems pretty damn focused when he's in the pool. This one, I don't mind not taking salary for.

  • Michael Phelps Goggle Unclogger
    How can I let something like this stop him from gaining more Olympic glory? Michael's goggles got filled up with water and he could barely see. I cannot let this happen. As the unclogger, I will test each and every goggle he owns just to make sure it doesn't bother him in his pursuit to win one bizillion gold medals.

  • Michael Phelps Text Filter
    From his many friends who send him messages of congratulations or good luck, I'm sure he's overwhelmed by the sheer amount of text messages on his phone. Michael even received over 100 messages after his gold win. I can be the one to filter through each and every message, clustering together the same-themed messages to save him time. Or I could make a tally sheet (very comm res) and give him the raw data if needed.
  • Tags: sports
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