Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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On Exposure

Back when I started blogging, it was mostly a narrative of my life. I didn't over think entries and I was basically just vomiting words on how my day was. Then I moved to LiveJournal and the sense of community and friendships were more evident and I was finally getting feedback/comments on what I was writing. Still, I didn't take it seriously.

Then my sister made a thesis on blogging and interviewed me as one of her informants. She asked me things about blogging that I never really thought of. People usually ask why you even blog and after reading this article by former Gawker writer, Emily Gould, I understand her completely. In her article entitled, "Exposed", Gould outlines how her online life had taken over.
I think most people who maintain blogs are doing it for some of the same reasons I do: they like the idea that there’s a place where a record of their existence is kept — a house with an always-open door where people who are looking for you can check on you, compare notes with you and tell you what they think of you... In real life, we wouldn’t invite any passing stranger into these situations, but the remove of the Internet makes it seem O.K.
When I got into college, my social circle expanded and so did my friends list. I became more aware of my entries and though I still overshare, I made a conscious effort to post on a variety of topics other than myself.

I started to filter and censor myself -- trying to not to divulge too much, but still making sure things were personal and still me. I enjoyed the attention and comments from readers -- some of whom I didn't even know -- often checking my mail to see what others thought of my thoughts. But at the same time, I wanted there to be more to me than my blog. Though a little too late for it, I wanted there to still be an air of mystery to myself.

Blogging got so addicting that I lived my life making sure everything was blog worthy or trying to look for an angle that would make things more interesting or witty. And eventually, I just got exhausted. I felt this need to update, even for the most inane reasons. Gould also mentioned this in her article.
The will to blog is a complicated thing, somewhere between inspiration and compulsion. It can feel almost like a biological impulse. You see something, or an idea occurs to you, and you have to share it with the Internet as soon as possible. What I didn’t realize was that those ideas and that urgency — and the sense of self-importance that made me think anyone would be interested in hearing what went on in my head — could just disappear.
I'm not saying that the urgency in me has disappeared. Truth is, it is far from that. But with recent events in my life, I've realized that though blogging is a big part of me, I refuse to make this what defines me. There's so much more to life than staying in front of the computer, converting an interesting anecdote into an entry. I want to live life and not just write about it.

No, this isn't an entry saying goodbye to blogging. Gould's article just sparked something in me, making me see things in a different light. Blogging isn't something I want to let go of just yet. The compulsion to write about this just came. It's an interesting read too. All 10 pages of it, in fact. I hope to one day amass the same skills Gould has in making a point (although i'm not sure I even made one clearly) Back to normal broadcasting
Tags: internet, livejournal
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