Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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Gossip Girl 01x14: The Blair Bitch Project

So the Upper East Side kids are back after "spring break" aka the end of the writers' strike and I'm more than psyched. B has just been dethroned and Little J is trying so hard to take the top position. Meanwhile S is receiving disturbing packages whom she assumes are from C. Obviously, not everything is what is seems on the UES.

How handsome is Nate in this montage?!? I know this is all about Blair, but I couldn't help but swoon when Nate walked in all drenched and hot! I've always been a Dan-girl, but seeing this side of Nate is making me think twice. Hubba hubba!!! I find it adorable how Blair -- in search of Cat -- realizes she's in a dumpster and goes "ew" at the last minute. I love the rain. Love the outfits. Love the NATE!!!

Lady Godiva, my only friend!
Club Bed is over!!!
SOLD!!! Seriously these two are just too cute together! Their chemistry is fabulous. I declare that Dorota should be given more lines. Everything for Blair has to be dramatic so it was just fitting that she was "mourning for her former life" in bed, wearing silk jammies and all the curtains drawn. Blair is just too much love.

Chuck, though, is my favorite character in this episode. He's obviously loving the entire brother-sister dynamic and I don't think he's even interested in Serena (sexually) anymore. I was sort of annoyed at Serena for being such a drama queen! Come on, Serena, lighten up!!! Chuck is gonna be your brother, get used to it.

I wonder who Chuck's real mom is. I mean I wonder who Bart Bass had to mate with to produce such a child! But really, Chuck is obviously enjoying Lily as his step-mom-to-be. I love how he's buttering her up already and making her feel right at home in their luxurious apartment! And Lily wears wayfarers to breakfast! Now that's a WASP! I'm so loving this dysfunctional family.

JENNY HAS TO DIE!!! I know Blair was evil to her, but throwing yogurt on her hair?! That's just below the belt evil. That's like gradeschool evil. Blair never threw food at her when she being bad to her. What a lame-o!!! And sure, yogurt on your hair does wonders for it, but that was just uncalled for. I so want to hurl gravy at Jenny!!!

I love how Nate is still sort of concerned about Jenny's proper upbringing (unlike her older brother) and how he still has a soft spot for Blair (even if he denies it). "You've got good aim." I bet that wasn't just about her throwing the yogurt. Jenny's my little ambitious bitch and she's got her eye on the goal. I love her haircut though.

If this face doesn't spell P-E-R-V-E-R-T, I don't know what does. The pervy brother spying in his little sister as she makes out. By the way, if Serena doesn't get a "pregnancy scare" episode, then this show fails in realism. Dan and Serena are at it like bunnies every episode and she's still not pregnant!? Either that or Dan's sterile. Nevertheless, I felt as pervy as Chuck. Dan+Serena=ALWAYS HOT!!!

In spite of Chuck's wardrobe, his facial expressions in the episode are priceless!!! The porn stash that Serena receives during the food tasting seemed to really interest Chuck that I knew right away it wasn't from him. I hate how Serena automatically pinpoints him as the culprit. Heller?! He's not THAT obvious with his evil-ness, not when he's on thin ice with his dad.

I can't believe Jenny actually considered stealing. I mean the dress she was wearing was already soooo beautiful. In fairness though, the closet did look mighty tempting. The owner would never had known something was stolen (due to the sheer amount of things), but apparently they do a count of their belongings every night. Was there no surveillance camera? Oh wait, it's the walk in closet -- that would have been totally Big Brother.

Is it just me or is the school a whole new set?!? I prefer the old set, but hey what can I do? Serena immediately blames Chuck for the crates of champagne sent her way. If I were her, I would have cracked open a bottle and guzzled it right there and then. Why be such a kill joy?!?!

BUSTED! Jenny is so guilty, it's crazy. I wonder why Hazel or Penelope didn't even think of Jenny. Yeah they're "friends" right now, but hello?! Only Jenny went in that direction that evening?! I swear these two sidekicks can be a little too dense for my taste. I wish they were more evil or less visible.

$8000!?!? That's a lot of money, Little J. Even someone as filthy rich as Nate would want to know where it's going. I bet if she did something for Chuck, he wouldn't ask though. Seriously honey, you can't buy your way out of this one. I was hoping she'd get imprisoned then Blair could take back her position, alas, teenage imprisonment is saved for kids from Chino.

Jenny's birthday cake FTW!!! I love how Rufus is genuinely glad to see his little girl; how Blair is genuinely glad to see Jenny fall and how Nicole totally digs Rufus in an old guy sort of way. The shock on Jenny's face is priceless and I wish that were the picture on her cake. Then she'd see what a colossal mistake she's made. Can't have your cake and eat it too, dear.

That coat ain't covering that custom made Valentino dear. I love how they all enter at the same time and how Rufus didn't bother to close the door (almost like he wanted Jenny to get caught). The friends look obviously shocked especially Hazel (or was it Penelope -- I still get them confused). I love how Blair conveniently mentions her reservation at Butter. The battle is on, bitch!!!

This is probably my favorite father-daughter scene though. You really feel Jenny's desperation here and Rufus' confusion. I understand why Jenny feels the need to fit in, and why Rufus doesn't think she needs to try. I just hope Jenny gets over this bad girl phase because it will get a little tiring seeing her get caught every other time. Just stick to what you do best -- being Blair's minion. It's the way things are supposed to be.

Eric + Chuckles = L♥VE!!! Obviously Eric needs some male bonding and he's getting it from Chuck! And to think Chuck isn't even violating Eric. It's total clean fun. I hate how Serena gets all huffy and gets Chuck banished -- to his own suite!!! Poor Eric!!! Obviously the drugs aren't from Chuck!!! I am so hating Serena at this moment.

Does Dan NEVER get mad at Jenny?! Okay, so it's her birthday, but a little scolding never hurt? Why are the siblings so lovey-dovey on this show?! My brothers weren't this nice to me, not when if I got caught stealing a custom made Valentino!? I mean seriously. Is Josh Schwartz an only child?

I SO HATE JENNY's face here. Wipe that smug expression off your face bitch. Blair's going to get you and not even being Dan's sister is going to save you. I wish she would have just stayed home and not dragged Nate into this entire fiasco because she had sort of redeemed herself to me with her crying. Then she pulls this stunt, Team Blair baby!!!

G!!! Thanks to spoilers, I knew exactly who this was pertaining too. But the point is, Serena better tell Bart Bass that Chuck did no wrong, because I want him back in the family suite stat. How dare Serena go to Chuck in his dolphin sweater now? Apologize woman!!!

And so goes the first episode back. I personally found it pretty good. I know not everyone liked it, but I found it thoroughly entertaining to see Eric and Chuck interact and Blair try to regain her former throne. And apparently, Serena's perfect bubble is going to burst soon. I can't wait.
Tags: gossip girl
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