January 26th, 2005

emma; only girl in the world

the 72 hour brain lapse

It's called a temporary lapse in judgment.

For 72 hours, I led myself to believe something that obviously wasn't true. It could have been sheer desperation. Or the effects of pining for someone else could finally be creeping up on me, but I just feel so stupid.

I happen to have an overactive imagination and my brain just keeps creating these stories for people whom I haven't even met yet. If I see you walking down the street, I could already make up your entire life story, according to myself of course. But when it's someone I can remotely be interested in, I take time to make up the story. All the details have to be perfect. Everything has to fall into place. From the code name I baptize you with, to the little false details I create, nothing is overlooked.

Unfortunately, when I finally do get to know the real people behind the characters I've created in my head, I tend to be disappointed. And it's purely my fault, of course. Why set myself up for disaster? Because it's fun to come up with all these little stories and histories of people that I don't really know. It gets tiring though.

Delusional, I have been for almost three days, till I finally knock myself in the head and tell myself just how senseless and stupid I've become. Pamy sent me this message and usually, I don't read what she sends me because either I don't have time, or it takes too much time to read them. But suddenly, I feel as if I can relate.Collapse )

Not that I can relate to all of it, but I realize how silly I act all the time. Am I that deprived that every male friend I get, comes with a teeny interest in them? Okay, maybe not every male friend, but every guy who actually talks sense. I won't even bother with people who don't talk sense. The thing is, I know I've got to snap out of this, because college is just around the bend and if I continue in this testosterone-deprived desperate manner, I'm just setting myself up for misery.

I have learned my lesson. Not everyone is like that. And friends are always nice to have. I better return to my delusions of Tab because those are, for a lack of a better word, harmless.

Thanks Gela for putting up with me! I know i'm very fickle and sometimes I may overshare, but you still take everything in stride. Don't laugh at me, Gels. I'm already embarrassed. I don't even know why I told you when I was so unsure of it. Now look how it ended. You know I'm crazy. And since you're kind of crazy too, I guess we really get along.
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