January 10th, 2005

emma; only girl in the world

Confessions of a Non - Shoppaholic

I've been going to Galleria the past few days because of Meg and Tring and it's really weird, because I don't usually go there. School bus has made me go straight to the bus and still I get home later. That's not the point though.

The thing is, I've been going into Bayo for three days straight and it's only now that I've actually seen them change the positioning of the merchandise. Two days ago, it was all orange themed and today it was already turquoise with black and white. It was just cool to see how they rearranged the clothes to show everything at some point.

I'm not exactly a shopper. If I can live on clothes that were given to me, then I would. I like looking at clothes and all that, but I just don't like trying them on. I used to love shopping, but ever since I hit puberty and gained weight, I just felt awful inside stores. I'd try clothes on and if they didn't fit me well, I'd feel horrible about myself. Not exactly a great feeling.

So, I stopped buying clothes unless absolutely necessary. But recently, everyone's been dressing up really nicely and I feel so dull and plain because my clothes are circa 1999 or something like that. And my sister always tells me to buy clothes so that I don't feel underdressed or out of place, but I just can't get over my fear of not fitting in the clothes I want. I've been checking clothes out and they're all so nice to look at and there are just so many different things to choose from. Sure, some are expensive, but I'm thinking of the future.

I'll be in college this June and there won't be any more uniform. I'm actually going to have to buy something. I saw a really pretty black dress in Space, and I've been eyeing it for days. It's a halter with a cowl neckline. Finally, I braved it and actually tried it on. It was difficult because I was in Type C and I had so many layers on. Still, I managed to put it on.

I looked awful, and I'm not even in the i'm-feeling-really-low-now-so-give-me-some-sympathy mood. I'm just being honest. It didn't flatter me at all. And the funny thing is, I didn't feel so bad anymore afterward. At least I had tried it on, and now I can stop fantasizing about it on the racks. One day, I guess I'll find clothes that fit me better, but I guess I'll never find out if I don't try them on.

So starting today, I'm going to start trying clothes on again. It seems really petty, but I guess I want to have more self confidence and this will be a start. Some clothes won't fit, and others will (hopefully!), but I guess no one ever fits everywhere anyway. That's why I really like Hilary Duff. She's not exactly your typical waif Hollywood type, she's got normal looking arms (meaning they're not flesh and bone) and she's short too. She doesn't look utterly fabulous all the time, but she looks pretty good. In fact, she carries herself really well. She may not look like Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Aniston, but she looks great if you bother to take a look. I'm no fan, but I'm inspired. She looks like a normal girl (who happens to make loads of money) just like me. And that really inspires me.

Sure, I'm going to need on my self esteem too, but I think I better start changing. Hilary may not be the best looking teen star right now, but I think she's done wonders to my self esteem.