August 9th, 2004

emma; only girl in the world

Hooked on Sleep

Here we are in Computer once again. I haven't really studied decently for my Filipino test this afternoon, and I'm not even sure if the CL test exists, but what I am sure of is that I am dead tired.

To think I slept early. I was asleep at 12:30 and that's a really good thing. I usually sleep a lot later than that. Yet, when I wake up this morning, I feel as if I didn't sleep at all. The school bus ride was spent sleeping, instead of studying. I could have slept through IW if I were given the chance, and now in Computer, sleep is all I want to do.

I am a sleepaholic. If there is such a person, that is me. I don't know if I'm just really tired, but all I seem to want to is doze off every other second. Even now, as we do the spotlight layer on the crazy Flash project, I feel like sleeping. I guess it's from my Dad, and his dad. All they ever did was sleep. This isn't very helpful to a student though, because apparently, we need to be awake most of the time, to listen to our teachers.

Yawn... I'm sleepy.
emma; only girl in the world

Climbing Abraham Maslowe's Hierarchy of Needs

Drat computer! I was halfway my spotlight project and he shut down on all of us. Beautiful. Just one more subject I need to fail, Computer. Today actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There weren't too many things that required too much energy. I was obviously running low on that. Still, I think I need more sleep. Like I said earlier, I am addicted.

Now, I'm stalling doing more IW. I've only done one, and I have to say that I'm actually kind of proud of it. It's for Filipino, and it's really cute. I drew a carabao and it looks really mad like it's supposed to be. I just have to give a shout out to the master, Ed Emberley, without whom I couldn't draw if it would save my life. With his techniques of drawing using simple shapes, I am able to conjure creations that actually merit a bit of praise.

I was thinking a while ago of how I always seem to give off the wrong vibe to people, boys in particular. I made the mistake of sending out the sibling vibe and that ended up in a lot of misunderstanding, but it's in the past now. I'm glad to say that now, I have stepped out of the family tree. He doesn't think I'm some sibling. At least I don't think so. I guess the fact that he does have three sisters already is a great sign. He doesn't need one more right? So what's so bad about this arrangement?

Well, even if I've been disowned and am not a part of the "family", I am now part of the academe. I am officially his tutor. Then again, what vibe could I have given out in a review center? Just because I knew some of the answers during the summer class, it doesn't mean I know them all. Still, it was cute of him to call me right after that test I took last Saturday (I refuse to talk about the U***AT anymore, as I am supposed to shift my focus). I was in Rockwell with my parents and Pamy and my cellphone started ringing. He actually called earlier, but I was obviously taking that test. Stupid little me thought he called because he just wanted to see how I was doing.

That's why I said stupid little me.

Of course there had to be a more valid reason than just wanting to talk to me, right? There always seems to be a more important agenda. I don't mind being asked over the phone what the equation is to some interest problem he's having in math. I do that a lot with classmates, and there seems to be no problem there. I guess the fact that I kind-of, sort-of like him, changes the entire scenario. It would be preferable if he called because he wanted to talk, but that obviously NEVER happens.

No, I'm not bitter. Not anymore. We had a prayer in CL this afternoon and I prayed that I would let go of things I could not handle (this being one of them) and be positive about life (not something I am right now).

So, I'm letting it go. All of it. There are more important things to think about. Like the fact that by the time I turn eighteen next year, I better be self-actualized. That should keep me busy. I'm not even in the esteem need yet.