July 19th, 2004

emma; only girl in the world

That stupid essay

Now I'm really worried about the crazy Ateneo essay. Sir Joey gave us some enlightenment in class today and I think I'm even more confused. He says that significant doesn't have to be big, but hello??? I don't know what to do with myself. Nothing's worth writing about! I have nothing to say. And if I do, then I wouldn't know how to say it for sure.

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

What?

Who am I to begin with? And what proves who I am? My brother's giving me some helpful tips, but see, I don't know a thing. I'm not even self-actualized yet! How the crap am I supposed to make a half decent essay. My only consolation is knowing that they don't really read everyone's essay. Hopefully, mine will be part of the list they don't have to read because I passed the test.

Not that I really want to get into Ateneo. I'm UP all the way. Still, it never hurt to have a fall back school. It never hurt to pass either. Rejection and I obviously don't mesh too well together. No, I don't go all psychotic, it's just a blow to my very fragile self-esteem.

So much for having a happy senior year. All I ever do is worry about passing this year and making sure I have somewhere decent to go to in the event that I do pass. How am I supposed to live this year up when I don't even have enough energy to last me through the week.

Aaaack! UPCAT is a mere 19 days away! NINETEEN!!! I've got to start reviewing. Yes, this week, I shall start. I promise.
emma; only girl in the world

Pieces of Me

Stolen from Fen-fen's journal:

What is on my mind:
College. The entrance tests are coming up real quickly and the gravity of it all is finally dawning on me. This is my future and I can't just joke about it. Well, not now at least.

Who is on my mind:
My knight. Not really mine to begin with, as I am not going to be possessive. Just smiling at the fact that there is hope.

Who is in my heart:
My brother. Well, I don't have much of a choice, he's studying beside me. The fact that there's a 75% chance he'll be leaving for Singapore in a few weeks, scares the crap out of me and I really don't know how it'll be without him.

What I'm feeling right now:
Freaking lazy. I will review for the UPCAT. I promise. Didn't I just say that a while ago? Promises really are meant to be broken.

What I'm asking myself:
Who am I? What significant experience has helped define me as a person? Why does Ateneo ask crackpot questions like this?

What I want to do:
Pass UP. Pass Ateneo. Pass UST. Stay alive to see the weekend, hopefully while reviewing for the said tests and at the same time accomplishing all my IWs.

What I'm looking forward to:
Ella Enchanted premiere night this Friday. It's the SCOP's first major project and I'm so proud of them, especially Lee. They've been working their asses off. Besides, I'll be bonding with my little sister, Pao.

What I have to do:
Review for the UPCAT, write my Ateneo essay, do three IW cards, study for a bunch of tests, while managing a healthy social life, and having an occasional admirer on the side. Did I mention I was going to get into shape? The last three are obviously not going to happen.

What I just accomplished today:
I finally finished my Physics IW, and of course, I got through the day. That's a jabongous achievement.

line for the day:
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time.

What I'm afraid of:
Not passing any of the colleges I applied for. Most especially, not getting into the course and college in UP.