Patty (woodycakes) wrote,

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Obviously Not Thinking

Somehow, I always land in this slump. Every year, I try my best (but obviously not enough) to start the school year right, and become a better student. Who am I kidding though? I'm such a slacker. I'm always too lazy to study and when I do get an ounce of diligence, I magically gravitate to my bed and fall asleep.

I do my work, of course. But I feel like I'm not giving it my all. I'm not doing my best. Everyone seems to be really into their work, and yet, I'm not feeling anything at all. I know I should just push myself, but it just never gets around to that.

Now, everyone's joining orgs, and I feel like I'm the only one who isn't. I know I can't handle the responsibility that comes with joining an organization yet (I can barely handle college), and still I feel like I'm going to miss out on something.

I also know that my first priority is my studies (my parents keep reminding me), but for once I want to put myself out there and do something I might actually enjoy. I held myself back in high school from so many things I wanted to do, with the excuse that I wouldn't be able to commit to it (due to the location of my far house), so now, I really have no excuse. I live right next to the campus, and yet I find a thousand other excuses like my academics, and lack of passion or my inhibitions.

Sometimes, I want to stop being so scared and so freaking safe, that I always do what's enough or what's expected. I'm so predictable, it's irritating me. I wish I could just live life in the moment. Then I wouldn't have to worry so much.

I'm probably not making any sense, but that's really just how I'm feeling now. Senseless. And that makes me even more annoyed.
Tags: college freshman, up mco
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