But lately, with all the dramatics and hysterics, I'm trying to slowly wean myself more and more from the safety of the confines of my cube to get out of there more -- get out earlier. Dedication to work is one thing, but I've found that I have this unhealthy attachment to really making sure I did everything I could to make everything work out.
And technically, it should be a good thing, except now I'm dreaming about work and everything's way too personal when it shouldn't be. I'm getting affected by the littlest things which make the big things even harder to bear. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying what I do, but there are just times (and lately more so), when getting up in the morning is even harder and I dream of just dropping it all and stepping away.
Except, I won't. Legally, I have to stay, but even if I did have a choice to leave, I don't want this current trial to be the reason for my departure. Sure, I'm always tired and I'm frustrated a lot of the time, but I still feel like there's something new I could learn and something more I can do.
And I'm hoping I don't burn out or get fed up before I get to do all that I can with the job that I have. Right now, I'm not sure how everything will work itself out, but I'll have to believe it will. I know things could have turned out differently, but there's no point in second guessing now. All I can do is hope that things will be better in the near future.
Worst comes to worst, I could just keep counting down till my 2 year bond is up. I've counted down longer periods of time before. But I don't want it to be just a countdown. I really hope things turn out okay so I can actually not have to countdown and get as much as I can from this point in life. Vague enough? I'm trying to be.